Vincent’s Story

Vincent L.

What does depression look like for you?

Depression for me is pure darkness. Everything looks black and white, all your senses are gone, and your will to live is clouded.

Have you been touched, or do you know someone who has been touched, by depression or other mental disorder?

Both. I’ve had friends who are constantly going through it, and I’ve lost some friends in this world because of it.  I’ve fought depression for many years and with my depression, it started long ago and got worse when I went to College. It felt as if someone had a tight hold around my neck squeezing it 24 hours. I knew the idea of happiness and how to get it, but I was just unable to get it back because of my lack of motivation. There were good days, but there were even more bad days. I remember when it was bad it led me to becoming an alcoholic and trying to drink myself to sleep. At that time, being intoxicated was the better solution than being aware. My depression also led me to self-harm because I wanted to feel something again. At times when it was the worst, i thought about ending my life, and have tried to take my own life multiple times.

Your meaningful message you would say to someone who is currently going through depression or other mental disorder:

As cliche as it sounds, it’s not the end. Depression is something that can be beatable but it doesn’t mean you have to be completely free of it. I’m sticking with those words “It’s not the end” because at the time that’s all I could think about. I kept asking myself, What’s left for me, this world would be better off without me, and that no one would care if I was gone. All I thought about was there’s nothing else and that this is the end. I’m sure there are many people who could be thinking this way, but I want you to remember that this is not the end. If anything, make it the end of this chapter you’re in. Seek help, seek professional help, seek any sort of guidance. Remember, the only person that can turn your life around is yourself. It’s okay to have those days where depression comes out of nowhere. I’ve accepted it and accepted that as of now it’s still a part of me, but it’s not in control me. I made it a point to become vocal about my depression because I felt like it would be the first step with recovery. I took little steps with talking about it. At first, it was only with Cheyenne, after that I talked with two of my best friends who I considered brothers. When I felt like I hit a wall, I did the unthinkable and talked with my family and become vulnerable around them, and since then I have continued to find other routes of self-recovery.

Everyone is different when it comes to treating depression, but I want you to remember one thing. Take it day by day. Even though you feel like little victories don’t matter, it will because of time. Once you break free of thinking, “I need to be fixed right now, I need to be perfect by tomorrow” You’ll see that recovery is actually a journey that can take months or even years. Please be patient with yourself and remember that you will be missed, you are loved, and you are the only version of yourself. Remember that change comes from within.

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